When God created man and woman, He had a plan and a pattern. 
First He created the man from the earth and then He created the woman from the man.

"And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being." Genesis 2:7 "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man” Genesis 2:22.

And when Adam saw the woman that God had created, he said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man” Genesis 2:23

In the New Testament the relationship of husband and wife is compared to that of Jesus and the Church and husbands are reminded of the original pattern. "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." Ephesians 5:28,29.

God does everything for a reason. He is a God of creation and also a God of order. He could have created both man and woman out of dust, but He chose to create woman out of man for a reason. He wanted man to always see woman as part of himself, so that he might care for her and honor her as he would himself. 

God’s order also had another purpose. "For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body." Ephesians 5:23

God chose man to be the head, the source of woman. God wanted man to precede woman—to go before and to lead. Just as the head of a river is the place from which it originates, so man is the source from which woman originates. 

The head of a river is extremely important. It determines many things about the river. Much has been taught about man being in authority over woman, but we have heard very little about how the quality of his life influences hers. If the head of a river dries up, so does the river.

Men say it is impossible to understand a woman, but scripture says something else. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."  1 Peter 3:7.

In other words, husbands, take time to truly know your wife so that you might lead her with that understanding.
 

Our Mission

In the University of the Family, husband and wife are called to work and to minister together. It is neither a man’s ministry nor a woman’s ministry—it is a couple’s ministry. As such we need to understand how God intends for us to flow together as a one-flesh team. 

One of the realities of this ministry is that it is carried out in a home setting, in the midst of all the activities that are part of family. The vast majority of husbands in this ministry are working a full-time job. A large number of wives are as well. Add to that mix children and the time and energy it takes to raise a family and it becomes evident that most couples in this ministry are pressed for time.

Yet this is the pattern God gave to the University of the Family—couples that minister in addition to all other things they are doing in life. Or is it couples that do other things in life in addition to their ministry? Interesting question. How you answer it will determine many things.

Over the years the one lament we have heard most from wives in this ministry is that their husbands are focused on so many other things. They often feel that the burden of the ministry falls upon them alone. We have watched wives burn out again and again because the burden of leadership in the ministry rested on their shoulders. 

Husbands were created by God to lead. That means lead in every aspect of life. "For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body" Ephesians 5:23. God intends for the weight of leadership to bring a man to his knees before the Lord. Jesus is to be his source and his strength. The challenges of leadership ignite a man’s soul. 

As a man draws from the Lord, his wife can trust in him and can be at peace. When a man draws from other sources to fulfill and sustain himself, it is difficult for his wife to rest in his leadership. She is often pushed out into the front and gradually the weight of leadership falls on her.  It is not solely the wife’s roll to read the Word and pray. It is not solely the wife’s role to minister. If you are in this ministry, you have been called together. 

Men Lead/Women Respond

Men, you cannot focus on work and other pulls in your life and leave “ministry” to your wife. You must take the lead. There is no problem with a division of labor, deciding who will do what, but that must be an active discussion and decision-making time between the two of you. You just cannot leave ministry to your wife by default.

And prayer and spending time in the Word are not something you can delegate to her. In this ministry you not only need your own personal prayer and Word time, but you need them together as a couple as well. 

Throughout the ministry we hear exasperated wives complain, “My husband won’t pray with me.” Prayer is the foundation of all you do together. Ministry doesn’t begin when the couples show up for your group or when you meet with other leaders. Ministry begins when the two of you meet with the Lord long before others are present. Men, are you leading in this area?

Consider These Questions

1. Do you truly know your wife’s heart? 
2. Do you know what gifts God gave her? 
3. Do you know the difference between her spirit and her soul? 
4. Can you state, in one sentence, the greatest desire of your wife’s heart? 
5. When she comes to you with ideas or concerns, do you treat her the way you want Jesus to treat you when you go to Him? 
6. Do you believe that what she has to say and to give is as important as what you have to say and to give?
7. Do you have issues with your mother that you have not resolved? Do they affect how you treat your wife? 
8. Do you recognize her significance and purpose?
9. Do you let her know you are proud of her and glad she is your wife just because she is, not for what she does?

Women are responders

The head determines the quality of the river. A woman who is loved and blessed by her husband, will be a blessing in return. A woman who is used, who is ignored, or who is belittled will put walls around her heart to protect herself. The woman you long for your wife to be will respond to the man God has called you to be.

To become the team God has called you to be, husbands must take the lead. 
 

A Powerful Team

Why are you married? You need to answer this question as a couple. If you truly believe God has called you as a team to work in His Kingdom, then you need to know how to work together. Your talents and personalities are different and you need to decide as a couple what you each do best. No doubt one of you enjoys the phone more than the other. One of you may excel at writing or public speaking. One of you may be more outgoing. 

Your spiritual gifts are different. You see things from different angles and express what you see in different languages.  God is going to move differently through each of you.

You aren’t always going to agree on everything. You are going to be pulled in different directions with differing opinions and burdens. That’s okay. God uniquely created both of you. He intends for you to have a variety of gifts and interests. All those factors are part of  the reality of ministering together as a couple. The key is blending them together as you work as a team.

Marriage is a relationship, not a formula. The way God created you and the way you work together as a couple is as unique as a fingerprint. There is no other couple exactly like you on the face of the earth. Understand the roles God has given you. Understand how He created each of you. And then learn to blend together in relationship and in ministry.

Determine if you are called to work as a one-flesh team. If you don’t believe the two of you are to work together in this ministry, then get out of it and do something else. If you are called here, look to those who are leading you for direction and discipling.

Men, don’t remain in this ministry just to pacify your wife. But if the Lord has spoken to both of you that this is where you are to serve, then don’t abandon her in ministry. 

Cover her, value her, and appreciate the way God made her.  Lead her in love. Step up to the plate and be the man of God you are called to be! You will be astounded at what you will receive in return!
 

What in the world is happening in the U of F?

Website Communication

Have you checked out the message boards at www.marriage.org/communicate  ?

We’ve been having some great conversations as well as awarding prizes. If you haven’t been there yet, now’s the time to drop by.

Communicate with leaders from around the world! Renew old friendships and make new ones! Share your testimony! Submit Prayer Requests.

Don’t be intimidated by something new. If you’re familiar with bulletin boards/forums, this won’t be new to you. 
 

Please pray for the U of F Leaders Now Teaching In:

Albania, Angola, Argentina, Australia, Bahamas, Bahrain, Belarus, Belgium, Bolivia, Botswana, Brazil, Canada, China, Colombia, Cook Islands, Costa Rica, Cuba, Denmark, East Timor, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, England, Ethiopia, Fiji, Finland, France, Germany, Ghana, Guatemala, Guyana, Haiti, Honduras, Hungary, India, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kenya, Kyrgyzstan, Macau, Malaysia, Mexico, Mongolia, Netherlands Antilles, New Zealand, Nigeria, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Romania, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Senegal, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sudan, St Kitts, St Lucia, Sweden, Switzerland, Tanzania, Thailand, Togo, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, Uruguay, USA, Venezuela, Vietnam, Zimbabwe

Countries in bold are waiting for partners. 
For more information about partnering contact mmi@marriage.org 
 

Couples from all over Central and South America gathered in Guatemala March 10th to 13th for one of the most powerful conventions ever! 

Gustavo and Roos’Mary Barrios and their team did a super job organizing a dynamite gathering. The first two days (10th and 11th) were dedicated to a leadership school in the beautiful city of Antigua. Not only were the teachings great but also the free time afforded couples the opportunity to enjoy the sites and food of Antigua.

The convention was held March 12th and 13th in Guatemala City. Couples came by plane, bus, and car to join together for strategies and fellowship. A common language and a common heart for families united those from many nations. 

Watching the flags of the nations on opening night always brings a tear to our eyes but when all the nations are united in a common bond of culture and language, it is an especially touching moment. 

Praise and worship was exhilarating and teachings were enlightening. Best of all, though, was the time spent together and the vision imparted. 

What a thrill it was to see couples dancing and praising the Lord to Marimba, Mariachi, and Andean music. And how exciting it was to hear the Lord’s praises being sung in all those different styles! They sure know how to celebrate!

It was such a success that everyone suggested that we consider alternating years with an international convention one year and regional ones the next. Definitely something to pray about!

International prayer and fast day is the second Tuesday of every month

Pray:

• For the regional and international conferences
• For wisdom and anointing to reach those who long for relationship
• For the young leadership that the Lord is bringing forth in the University of the Family
• For the safety and protection of all those traveling to UofF conferences this year.
• For the sale of the Ascot Event Center.  Final contract details are being worked out.
• For the formation of apostolic/pastoral teams throughout the ministry
• For strong, faithful leadership couples to come forth through training this year.
• For the multimedia team that is forming at the international headquarters

Gustavo and Roos’Mary Barrios, Latin American Directors, make every Tuesday a prayer and fast day for the ministry. When we saw the fruit they have, we think they may be on to something!

Worldwide Conventions 2004

Visit Europe and be part of this dynamic event!

London, England 
October 29-31 
Contact: Roy and Elaine Hitchman uk.office@mmi-europe.or

Be a History Maker! 
Attend the first Asia University of the Family Convention

August 27-29 in Singapore
Contact: Rusty and Debbie Lake asiauf@pacific.net.sg

Change
A Jack Maxwell article is the inspiration for some these thoughts.

Do leaders like change and followers don’t?

We’ve discovered that leaders don’t as a rule, like change any better than followers, (except if it is their idea). Think about it from this standpoint; when change comes to any organization, it’s never the followers’ problem; because followers do what followers do—followers follow. When change does come to any group it’s the leaders that fight the change. Followers seldom stop any change the organization wants to make because they lack the influence. But, just the opposite is true with leaders. 

Over the years in MMI (now University of the Family) we have been allowed a lot of autonomy to implement the ideas coming from home office. The problem was we had flexibility, but in many cases without responsibility. We didn’t rein things in, to keep with the spirit of what the home office desired, out in the field, (and in a lot of cases it got out of hand). Now there seems to be peace, order and unity in the ranks, from everything we have seen from our position. PTL

There was a measure of success for a while. We also had things sown into this ministry that weren’t intended, but happened anyway. Most of those things we believe have been dealt with in the last couple of years, but not without a lot of good couples leaving the ministry. In many cases they just didn’t go under, when they had the opportunity, and become followers to the leadership above them. 

As a ministry we are in a new place, with a very exciting future. We evidenced this in our January board meeting last year. The Holy Spirit moved on us all, in ways that amazed us. There were times when tears would flow in gratefulness for what He has doing. He got us back on course, and established that the plumb-line is the CORE VALUES He gave us a few years ago. When we saw that we were only experiencing a measure of His blessings, He showed how we could experience a whole lot more. We repented and now are on that firm new course. 

We have experienced the new FLT format and it is awesome. On our first FLT we had nine couples on our training team, so we could get them qualified to do FLT’s in their areas ASAP. We had 14 student couples, with some of the greatest exit evaluations we had read in a long time. 

They especially appreciated the Basic Training videos, and the discussion afterwards. We saw people weep, with conviction, and ask questions that showed that they had the Holy Spirit actively imparting things into their lives that weren’t even spoken out loud, but by His Spirit. We had a healing (of a sister) of something that had been 40 years in her life. People got their prayer language and weren’t even in the class to hear it taught. Get excited folks we are in a new season. 

We also want to thank, Jack and Pam MacLaughlin for the many hours of reworking the FLT material. They have been doing this for a couple years now. Nice going for taking on the challenge and being the couple God wanted to use, and for hanging in there when it was not pleasant at times. “To God be the Glory for what He has done”. 

It wasn’t that there weren’t complaints by some of us leaders, but the change was needed so that we can get back on track with the original vision God had given. Please forgive us for our complaining and our attitude about the changes. 

We are all better for your efforts. We are learning how to go under more quickly. So let’s get excited about what the Lord is doing and has done, and gossip the good news about our future. We as a ministry are in a new place. PTL.

USA Regional Conferences

Region 1

 Portland, OR
 May 21-23
 Contact: Jim and Kathy Speer
 206 542-3669 or jks4ever1@yahoo.com

 St Paul, MN
 Apr 30- May 2
 Contact: Brent and Pam Greenlee
 651 699-2342 or bpgreenlee@prodigy.net

 Dallas, TX
 Jun 11-13
 Contact: Gerry and Nancy Gardner
 512 288-2097 or gngard@family.net

 Atlanta, GA
 Mar 25-27
 Contact: Jack and Pam McLaughlin
 407 344-2450 or webejam@earthlink.net

We have been married for ten years. This is our second marriage and our first marriages both ended in divorce following adultery on the part of both of our spouses. We believed that we were ‘Biblically’ right in our remarriage. This is what we had been taught.

We were exposed to teaching on divorce and remarriage when we first went through the ‘Married For Life’ course as Leader’s in Training. We didn’t fully understand this teaching since it was so contrary to what we had been taught in the past. However, we remained open and teachable, asking God to show us the truth. It was not until we went to a Leader’s Training Weekend that God revealed to both of us the truth about divorce and remarriage. For the first time, we realized the sin that we had committed by breaking our covenant with God by divorcing and remarrying. That night in our motel room, we asked God to forgive us and to break any previous soul ties.

 Since that time, our marriage has changed dramatically, even though we had had a good marriage. God brought a newness and freshness to our marriage that’s really difficult to put into words, but it’s so evident to us that God did this. We are closer that ever before and our intimate times together are the best they have ever been. God has truly given us His best and there’s a freedom we now walk in because of obedience to His Word.

   David and Nancy Boddy
   Group Leaders, Florida

Training Opportunities

Married for Life Training

14-May-04 Pottstown PA
14-May-04 Carlsbad NM
11-Jun-04 Ishpeming MI

12-Mar-04 Highlands Ranch CO
30-Apr-04 Austin  TX
22-Oct-04 Wilmington NC 

USA Statistics 2002

109.3  million households 
  74.3  million families 
  35.7 million households with children under 18 yrs 

What a harvest field!