Improving Our Delivery

Some have asked us when the written newsletters are going to arrive. We want to explain again that we are no longer sending a newsletter by mail. Each month the newsletter will be emailed. If a couple does not have email, the newsletter is always available at our website, www.marriage.org

It all began in the Garden of Eden. When confronted with his sin, Adam blamed the woman God gave him. The woman, when confronted, blamed the serpent. Neither of them was willing to take personal responsibility and repent.

By contrast we see Jesus, innocent of any wrongdoing, taking full responsibility for the sins of man. He who knew no sin did not defend Himself in any way when He was accused, but willingly paid the price for us. “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth”  (Isaiah 53:7).

In the Body of Christ today it seems there is an epidemic of people acting more like the first Adam than the last. When faced with difficult circumstances, it is much easier to blame than to repent. From leaving marriages to leaving churches to walking away from friendships, it seems there are always excuses for one’s own behavior based on the action or words of another. When speaking with those who have left churches, ministries, or relationships, it is not hard to learn what “they” (the other party) did or said. A long list of offenses suffered is readily offered as the reason for breaking away. Seldom, if ever, is there an admission of personal failure.

In the field you probably encounter this first-hand. For us in the Home Office, it usually happens when we receive an angry request to be removed from the mailing list. An inquiry into why is most always followed by an explanation of who did what when. Sometimes we are surprised to discover that we were the offending individuals. Something we said on a tape or wrote in a book or manual has offended them. Other times it is what happened to them in a group. Sometimes it’s something they heard secondhand about the ministry that offended them.

Whatever the reason, there is a total unwillingness to entertain the fact that God may be dealing with something their own hearts and lives. The issues that make people angry in churches, in marriages, in ministries, in friendships are usually issues that are dealing with an attitude or a belief in their own hearts. God is just using the circumstances to point them out.

Have you ever sat with a couple and listened as they told you what really drove them crazy about each other? Many times as we have listened we have thought, “That sure doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Wonder why it is such an issue between them.” Then we realize—the reason it is such an issue is because of what the Lord wants to deal with in their hearts. He is using the circumstances to bring those issues to the surface. It is the same with our own marriage. Things that really set us off about each other are not earth-shaking things. They are simply words and actions that trigger heart issues we have not allowed God to change.

Through the years we have become convinced that God is not nearly as interested in our circumstances as He is in our hearts. While we are praying for our circumstances to change, God is watching how our hearts are reacting. Are we willing to take personal responsibility and open those areas to Him? When we justify our own opinion or reaction, we miss the work God intended to be done. Blaming and running don’t solve anything. That is why we soon find ourselves in another set of circumstances that trigger the very same emotions. God will patiently allow us to be faced once again with something that will bring to surface the issues of our heart. He will continue to do this until we face those issues and take personal responsibility.

The world is filled with those who blame others and excuse themselves. Unredeemed, selfish hearts have no other choice. We who have Jesus living within us ought to be different, though. Jesus always challenged hearts when faced with conflict between people.  He knew that the conflict was not the issue. The issues of the hearts of the people were what mattered and when those issues were resolved, the conflict would be also. James and John, the sons of Zebedee, desired to sit at Jesus’ right hand—a place of great honor. The other ten disciples were really angry with them for asking such a request. Jesus challenged the hearts of James and John regarding their motives. He then also challenged the ten regarding the heart of a servant. Any one of the twelve could have been offended and walked away—but their heart issues would have remained.

When we are faced with difficult relationships, when circumstances seem to be giving us the short end of the stick, when we are forced to work with those who really get under our skin, what is our reaction? Do we blame and bolt? Or are we willing to allow God to show us the issues of our own heart, no matter what others are doing or not doing? Can we take personal responsibility for our own words and actions? Can we allow the Lord to show us the things in our own lives that are not pleasing to Him and repent for them?

Truly, what is happening around us is secondary to what is happening within us. May we concentrate more on the dross that comes to the surface than on the heat that made it happen.  God wants to change us from within and to co-operate with His work, we must take personal responsibility and stop blaming others. We cannot be obedient for them, only for ourselves. Each new challenge can help us grow in Christ if we are willing to humble ourselves and look within.
 

Mike and Marilyn Phillipps

Canada 

Calgary, AB 
October 22-23
Contact: Dennis Roberts 
306-545-5500 or dennis@mmi.ca

Europe 

London, England 
October 29-31
Contact: Roy and Elaine Hitchman 
uk.office@mmi-europe.org

Training Opportunities in the US   Click to view the current trainings that are scheduled.

 
Promotions in the USA
 

Region 3: Gerry and Nancy Gardner have been appointed directors of Region 3.

Michigan:  Larry and Audrey Young are the new Cedar Springs Area Directors.